Imperial Hating Neighbour

Don't get mad. Get even.

Use a valve stem tool to loosen the valve in tires on opposite corners of the car. Loosen to the point where air is leaking, but not audible. He'll go refill them and face the same thing at least once more.

Put kerosene into the fuel tank. It combusts but dis-integrates rubber when it sits. Fuel systems have lots of seals made out of rubber.

Put JB Weld up under the door handle mechanism. Repeat 3 more times (once if its a 2-door) all the way around. Say goodbye to door dings from that particular car.

Go to the hunting supply place and get concentrated deer musk. Mix with equal parts water and pour down the fresh air intake vent at the top of the hood. Wear gloves on your hands and a clothes pin on your nose.

Use a big jack and start moving the car around the garage at night, preferrably into your parking spot where you can complain about him to managment or indigantly have him towed. Offer the tow truck driver $200 if he can hook up the guy's car without waking him up. Where there's a will there's a way.

Use the same jack to raise the car up, inserting wood blocks under the drive wheels that leave them a quarter of an inch off the pavement.

Go to the mall and subscribe him to EVERY magazine at the magazine stand. Start with Good Housekeeping and end with something religious in nature. Check off the "bill me later" option.

Superglue in the locks?

Get a car alarm with a keyfob panic button that has a long transmission radius so that you can zap your new car alarm from the living room when he's sleeping in his car. Stay up late one night watching bad television and hit the panic button every time a commercial break comes on that has a product that has "9.99" at the end of the price or mentions public internet terminal businesses. Better yet, get it installed on his car if you can.

OR, take detailed, timestamped photographs of the paint transfer on both vehicles, have it witnessed by a police officer or a bunch of buddies willing to testify, making certain to measure from fround to ding and ground to spot on the offender's car, using a camera to document it and scrape the paint chips or transferred paint off of both cars and submit them to a labratory for chemical spectrolysys. The lab coats can determine the chemical makeup of the paint and will be able to give documented proof that the paint transfer came from the make and possibly model car that your neighbor drives, although not the individual car. Get documentation from building management as to the make, model, and owner of the car that parks next to you. Arrange a meeting of the minds in small claims court and provide full documentation for repainting the car after the dings have been filled, since there is no way to perfectly match the original paint due to its age. Smile when you get your verdict and get damages plus court and labratory costs.

OR Skip all that and find a new place to park your Imperial. You have more to lose than he does, it would appear.

Please don't anybody respond to this on the list. The forensic stuff does work. I used it on someone that crunched one of my cars once and the court made him pay like a slot machine. It could help others here on the list. I really shouldn't be promoting non-imp stuff but couldn't resist this once. I promise to stay on topic for at least another 12 months.

-K

dan and myron <mydan@xxxxxxx> wrote:

   This summer I bought my dream car... A 65 imp crown 4dr. With an arm injury and little extra cash after the purchase I wasn't able to do much restoration wise with the exception of 100% T.L.C. which it required much of, after being parked in a shed for the last ten years.

    Even this was a huge improvement from the day I drove it home much to the chagrin of one of my neighbours. I have an "odd" neighbour who likes to sleep in his car even in our Canadian winters....Underground heated parking!

    This summer while oiling the mechs of the passenger door I accidentilly sprayed oil on the drivers door of his car. I left $5.00 with an apology note refering to his next car wash. Since then I have counted over 10 small dings and scratches in my back passenger door with my neighbours obvious green paint on my car and my obvious red paint on the edge of his door.

I have left a very repectful note under his door reminding him that there is at least 3-4 feet between cars and this should not be an issue.

     Whaddya think. Should I fling my back door open and show him what a DING really looks like?

    P.S. The rest of my neighbours are ready to organize a viganlanty group towards this fellow.

                    Dan Robertson.